The day to day longings.

I talked to Kricket on the phone this morning and we had a giddy fit discussing what's going on in our lives.
I've gone through stages where I loathe my phone and want rid of it, this is most certainly not one of those times.
And I've been laughing a lot more.
I've been going through vet wrap likes it's nothing and playing with gauze and iodine, been taking pictures of bloody horse flesh.
Everything is so good though.
My nanny children have been forgetting to call me "Miss Gussie" and calling me "Mom!"
I'm still protesting high school, don't worry that hasn't changed.
Although hot pink gel ink made for the most adorable homework last night.
The sunsets have been really pretty and this morning a pink and yellow sunrise kissed Maple Mountain's lips.
I'm going through another phase where coincidence litters my days and it's awfully fascinating.
I'm starting to get anxious for spring.
I haven't been so often on the backs of my ponies and it's getting to feel odd.
I'm aching for rope and sun burned hands and sweaty horse hides with the wind blowing my braid.
I was always in heaven even when I thought it was hell and even when my blood was boiling and my skin was red hot.
I keep having happy hearted flashbacks to branding on the ID.
I keep smiling at the thought of tents, sagebrush and old corrals, I can't wait for big circles to ride this year.
I think I'm a little bit in love with the horses and the land.
And it's all in divine timing.
We need to just relax and feel it.
Happy Tuesday dolls.

XoXo
Gussie

The good and the bad.

Here's to screwing up and looking stupid in front of a lot of people that you respect.

Here's to nothing going right and really shitty freaking days.
Here's to feeling sick and exhausted and your heart pattering in awkward beats.
Those days when you wake up off and puke off the side of your horse and can't figure a damn thing out.
Here's to crying on the kitchen floor and punching pillows and cussing at the moon because he's the only one who will listen. 

Here's to saying the words that you shouldn't.

I never knew I was the kind of person that would want to curl up in the corner.

I thought I was stronger. Tougher than that.

Until it hit me. 

Everything that could go wrong did and everybody that said they would didn't.

It all shook and trembled and blew into about a thousand dusty pieces.

With me right at its heart.

When I dared open my eyes all I saw was the bones of what I had tried to build.

I looked up and there stood a skeleton that told me I had failed.

But.

Here's to the days that you roped amazingly well, your horses felt like silk beneath you and you drew a good cow.

Here's to the practices without hiccups when their bodies were sensitive and feely.

Here's to the days when you finally felt the satisfaction of your work.

And those superb conversations you had on the phone and across dusty table tops, in cabins and standing in dirt.
I believe in giggle fits at all hours of the night and day and I think everyone needs an unexpected kiss now and then.
Here's to telling someone the bloody truth and being accepted for it.
I love those morning when you wake up feeling more alive than when you curled up only hours before.
Here's to the unbelievable moments that feel like you're dreaming and everything is falling into place at your fingertips.
Here's to whispering at 2 am about old regrets and favorite movies and saying things you don't normally say.
I never knew that some of the most wonderful opportunities and gifts and friends often come from the oddest of circumstances.
Here's to the never-ending high hopes for love.

Here's to the bloody, bastardly days that never end soon enough and here's to the nostalgic and almost perfect days that make the bad ones worth while.

XoXo,
Gussie

Change. Change is good.

I'm kind of fighting with this whole big sister being far away from me thing. I mean we still talk, well mostly I incessantly harrass her via social media. Snapchat has become a beloved little app because that way I can send video rants of me loosing my head about the dear folks that have hurt my feel goods recently. Over all though, it's been so odd. I mean I had gotten pretty used to falling out of bed in the morning with full intentions to smother my sis on the couch while drinking our coffee. That one has been a steady daily reminder.
I keep telling myself it is good.  Because it is. It's wonderful and it's change and change is good. 

XoXo Gussie

Fetish

The world kind of likes some off-kilter things. I have a few of my own. I, umm, I like hands. I think they are absolutely beautiful, especially when they are tanned and muscular. I love green eyes, actually I like all colors. The fire in them is what I love. It's just that one of those people with insane fire has green eyes so that's what I think of. I like the way people's foreheads crinkle when they are focused. And I like it when I see somebody touch the tip of their tongue to their upper lip right as they throw a heel trap. I love the way horses smell when the sweat creates a steam rising off their backs and the feeling of being cold in the morning as you jump the ponies in the trailer. I think a lot of little things get overlooked and sometimes they are the best parts. Like scars. They are simple and odd and I like to trace my fingertips over them as I ask you what it was that left that mark on your skin. Sometimes the little things are the prettiest things, at least I think so. You know, hands and fire and focus, horses and scars, they are rough and magnificent.

Loves, Gussie Lou

I've learned a lot in the saddle - still am.

I've learned a lot about myself there. I learned about pain and torn off fingernails, about blood.
I learned about the winning over and breaking of hearts.
About failure, triumph and success.
I learned how to turn my face from the dust and how to smile through exhaustion.
I found that guardian angels pull you out from beneath horses and that prairie dog holes come up fast.
I learned about winning and loosing and about how damned important it is to try.
I learned how to check horses' legs and get them supple. 
I learned how to stack my dallies thumb up, to build a loop fast and how to talk to the anxious ponies.
I learned how to be tough and have grit and saddle my horse as good as the boys.
I learned about force and pressure and delicate movements.
I learned a lot about souls, horses and my own.
I've learned a lot in the saddle - I still am.

And so, like, yeah.

I became the girl I used to scoff at.
The one I made fun of in a high-pitched dumb barbie mimicking voice saying, "Daddy, he like, went out and just bought me a show horse, like, yeah." I'm not gonna lie, I was a pretty big snot about it.

This summer, my Daddy he like went out and bought me a show horse.
Turns out, there's a lot I didn't understand.

I got Frederick in June. She, yes she, is 5 and tests my patience day in and day out. She's had more off the wall injuries in the last 7 months than my Biscuit gelding has had in the last 2 years. She's also been the intended recipient of my middle finger too many times. Don't judge me for that until you have a horse that just pin-pricks all of your buttons and almost certainly laughs about it.

One thing you should know about her: she's a badass. And even though she drives me through the roof, she somehow makes me like her more.

"There's a lot more to riding a horse than just sitting the saddle and letting your feet hang down."

When I'd make fun of those girls I'd jokingly say "Now all she's gotta do is sit on him."

I've had a drastic mind changing in the last 7 months. I guess I wasn't realizing that even though Daddy went out and bought you a show horse you still have to be able to ride him and move him and keep him tuned. Keeping a horse tuned up is just, wow.

Here this little post is, winding down and all, I'm still not sure what the point was. Maybe everything isn't as simple as it seems. Maybe people are a little more than you ever gave them credit for.

Either way, I ride nice horses and I'm so grateful for that. They've probably shaped my future more than I'll ever know.

Showing Freddy.

Toodles.

-Gussie

Girl boss.

The dream is to be full of flaws and ultimately o.k. with it. To fight dirty for that hope of winning; at a show, a rodeo, a personal feat, in life. To allow every pot hole in the road less traveled to be a lesson well learned. To believe in your strength. To be looked up to and admired. Not because you are pretty but because your talent is prevalent, even in your teardrops. To have the kind of drive that drags you from your bed to the coffee pot to the barn every morning. To recognize your natural ability but instead of rely on it, build on it. To learn not to be afraid of anything. Not horses' feet. Not failure. To be a beautiful, wreckless, magnetizing, disheveled mess. To be a freaking girl boss.

-gussie

PC: Google Images