tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29267097349604899942024-03-04T05:20:56.908-08:00Boots, Braids and Big Loops"The Lord is on my side; I will not fear" Psalm 118:6
XoXo, GussieBoots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.comBlogger162125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-85502844962091384892023-11-30T16:49:00.000-08:002023-11-30T16:51:36.604-08:00Where Nothing Left Lies<br /><p><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 21px;"><b></b></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">Surely time will dull it down I hope,</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">Because right now it's awfully raw.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The gaping wound is gushing,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">A twist is in my gut.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">All the world is shaking,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The trembling just won’t stop.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">A future of dreams, </p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">A death of every could be,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">All lie lifeless at the ring of just one shot.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Could it be that this is the plan,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Or consequence of a mistake?</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Did my ears choose deafness,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Did I refuse my eyes to open?</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Perhaps I selfishly chose this,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">All to end up broken.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">There is no words that bear the pain,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">No poem to do it justice.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;">Comatose, habitual breaths,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Only teardrops and sorrow,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">A dreary trudge,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">And a hug gone by tomorrow. </p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">This ending is unworthy of everything we built,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">It’s shameful and gruesome,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Our broken souls’ guilt.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Happiness is perspective,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">It does not exist without pain.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">True love can not be gained or lost,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Without some great sacrifice.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I’ll stand watch while it fades,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Perhaps time will wash it away.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Leaving scars and proud flesh, </p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">A brave bandage as proof of the price we paid.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">A story of what once was,</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The history of us.</p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Built and gone, </p>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Dust to dust.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL8Shm7FUG62t9EsjlPJJeRrgX8pa94qzxnnscg0Mf-HGRFmj4RgkBxYyIvW6Bzi7w4E1G8GpQb9y4dGdJklPPfU3SqbqdvHaDyLmMvLxvRnIkLIbV_De2Zo8esGDrH5QzbRvf4joCGqCxC0MPZ5jkl8d3VbOvebG1i4zKZ8mxvI9Vcmm6hREvBlGSr2s/s2208/IMG_0359.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2208" data-original-width="1242" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL8Shm7FUG62t9EsjlPJJeRrgX8pa94qzxnnscg0Mf-HGRFmj4RgkBxYyIvW6Bzi7w4E1G8GpQb9y4dGdJklPPfU3SqbqdvHaDyLmMvLxvRnIkLIbV_De2Zo8esGDrH5QzbRvf4joCGqCxC0MPZ5jkl8d3VbOvebG1i4zKZ8mxvI9Vcmm6hREvBlGSr2s/w225-h400/IMG_0359.JPG" width="225" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">xo, Gussie</p>Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-6328810238554783952022-08-11T19:32:00.004-07:002022-08-11T19:32:50.881-07:00Alone<p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />I need to be alone,<p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Let whiskey peel back the calloused layers of my brain</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I need to feel something, </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">To live for something,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Or die for it</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I want to know where the line between experience and trauma lies</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">At what point does it turn from a lesson learned to inevitable self destruction</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I need to peel the masking tape off of my wounds and let them have some air</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Let them bleed what they have left to bleed so they can finally grow into old scars</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I need to relearn a respect for pain, </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Instead of resentment </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Find my former appreciation for scars and poetry</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with fear? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Can I know it well but without the intimidation and superiority?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Or perhaps I will always keep it held with a white knuckle grip but at an arm’s length</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Emotionally paralyzed in my own tired skin</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Vomiting cuss words with a raspy yell because I don’t know how to express myself anymore </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Every breath feels like being smothered, </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Or the dreams when you can never catch your wind </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Each scream falls silent on the breeze</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Nothingness </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’ve lost the ability to distinguish whether it is my body that aches or my soul </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">How does one lose themself?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Are we not in the same bodies, attached to the very souls we were born to? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Then how can it feel so foreign? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Does it happen over night or slowly grow into a stranger we don’t recognize? </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I need to feel something</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I need to be alive</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">To listen to horses breathe again</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Watch the sunset and actually see it</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Smell the morning air when it’s fresh and innocent</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I need to be awake.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Xoxo, Gussie</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEB1TV9n7RcCtdQskehWQcqiO99NnCH_5wIWOcyi-5UyX-He76w-8C5lvefd27vuuYKHusiehuqaQyjR34kYs_37IrPziRWR0ghI8UYNUynBkYAOqOFPzX_k-wZfYpGZQXHsCtVSrxD40tzlB7538HSuxYnePlgD-4FhuEpogWcTKpoHGqwi80GkKj/s4032/58E02D54-06F1-4103-9E71-216B38128164.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEB1TV9n7RcCtdQskehWQcqiO99NnCH_5wIWOcyi-5UyX-He76w-8C5lvefd27vuuYKHusiehuqaQyjR34kYs_37IrPziRWR0ghI8UYNUynBkYAOqOFPzX_k-wZfYpGZQXHsCtVSrxD40tzlB7538HSuxYnePlgD-4FhuEpogWcTKpoHGqwi80GkKj/s320/58E02D54-06F1-4103-9E71-216B38128164.jpeg" width="240" /></a></p>Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-81736378120336722712022-01-17T14:24:00.001-08:002022-01-17T14:29:31.574-08:00Some Shit About Stress and Happiness<p> <span> It's been a roller coaster the past 6 years. Just this stage of life, or perhaps all stages feel this way as they come.</span></p><p><span><span> I've watched my health as a woman in her early twenties declining like a rock slide. One rock smashing into another larger one till the whole damn mountain is falling.</span></span></p><p><span><span><span> It's been hard to watch, harder to feel. </span></span></span>However, the hardest thing about it is coming to terms with the gruesome truth that it's been my fault from the get-go.</p><p> Merriam-Webster defines the word <i>EMPATH</i> as</p><p><span> "One who experiences the emotions of others"</span> </p><p><span> I define it as mildly to extremely toxic, AF. </span></p><p><span> </span>I believe that many people are born with a sense of empathy in them. It seems to me to be more commonly acted upon among women, though I have met some very empathic men too.</p><p><span><span><span> I think there's surely nothing wrong with empathy. In a sense it </span>makes us more human. Men seem to be better at telling people to "F off" though and I envy that.</span></span></p><p><span> I took that empathy shit way too far, and it has caused me so. much. stress.</span></p><p><span><span> And I know my girls are out there raising their shitty wine glass, or whiskey (I feel you) saying "Yo, me too."</span></span></p><p><span><span><span> It's exhausting worrying about what someone thinks, wondering if you did a good enough job at something you weren't even required to do. </span><br /></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span> It's crippling wondering if it'll be taken wrong that you're prioritizing yourself tonight by taking a bath and getting to bed early instead of going out to the bar. You're not trying to hurt any feelings. You're trying to prepare yourself for kicking ass at your dreams tomorrow. AND THAT'S JUSTIFIED</span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span> Better still, going above and beyond to be the most helpful person ever and then creating a situation where you're <i>expected </i>to do what you originally did as a thoughtful favor.</span></span></p><p><span><span><span> I'm a people pleaser, I get it. I want to be everything for everybody's </span></span></span>something they need.</p><p><span> </span>So when does this circle back to where this post began?</p><p><span><span> Right, with being 25 and feeling like complete sh*t for 3 straight years.</span><br /></span></p><p><span><span><span> Funny thing, as I've dug deeper into my menagerie of </span></span></span>health issues that many people close to me probably don't know exist, I've found one repetitive catalyst.</p><p>S T R E S S </p><p><span> Six letters of </span>destruction. Self inflicted or not, stress eats away at you until you and your body really just can't take it anymore. Then if you add a healthy dose of alcohol, an empathic personality, an extremely physically demanding and under-eating lifestyle, you've got yourself quite the cocktail.</p><p><span> I really love my comfort zone, there's a whole lot of people to corroborate that. My old boss and mentor loves to giggle at how tense I am riding colts and how he would remind me to breathe. And if he's reading this he's surely laughing at it again. (P.S. come ride with me sometime, not much has changed J. Law.) </span></p><p><span><span> Point being, it takes a lot for me to talk my mind into allowing myself to do something I'm surely capable of. I'm having to try really hard at it and sometimes I don't succeed. It's the most awkward in my own skin feeling ever.</span></span></p><p><span><span><span> </span>You write your own story in your mind. You create your reality with your imagination and subconsciously act upon what you think. I've seen myself play this out over and over until I just really can't deny its truth.</span></span></p><p><span><span><span> I've been reading some books and I've finally started to make some headway on my health issues, it's going to get better and better, I can feel it.</span><br /></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span> I feel like everyone has these huge dreams somewhere deep inside and it is really just a matter of whether or not they act on them. So I decided to do some acting and make some changes to my lifestyle and my business. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span> The rewards haven't yet been reaped but I think it will be worth it, there's already a load of stress and huge weight off of my shoulders. I've even found myself writing again, and I love it.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span> I hope somehow these monotonous ramblings will make you contemplate what you truly value and I hope you prioritize it above all else.</span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span><span> All the love, </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span>XOXO, Gussie </span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span></span></span></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4Rn8pdpXzop7cTNz4d439UmhO0gamDjSjzeKOYUXSNKDPm9KxswepbrU2TFy5i2T7F0_-PFEEQkv5D67o9EgfvbMK3hvcgJxxQDMQ0QgspV_e2dBiLVibqUJXOnQuKJtSU0ZuA-5qbeXM940_8r3VflKi4jnCDPoscpQOndYQCPS_r_M8kqpb60cY=s4032" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4Rn8pdpXzop7cTNz4d439UmhO0gamDjSjzeKOYUXSNKDPm9KxswepbrU2TFy5i2T7F0_-PFEEQkv5D67o9EgfvbMK3hvcgJxxQDMQ0QgspV_e2dBiLVibqUJXOnQuKJtSU0ZuA-5qbeXM940_8r3VflKi4jnCDPoscpQOndYQCPS_r_M8kqpb60cY=w480-h640" width="480" /></a></div><br /><span><br /></span><p></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></p>Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-38667836722765658892022-01-05T13:29:00.002-08:002022-01-05T13:29:55.429-08:00Mental Nothingness<p> The most worn out metaphor I can think of is waves. </p><p>And yet my best metaphor to describe my ever changing feelings is; waves.</p><p>Sometimes they're drowning me, sometimes they're taking me for a hell of a ride.</p><p>Either way there's exhaustion of some sort, a wariness waiting for me on the other side.</p><p>My fingers have gone so long without typing now that it feels truly awkward.</p><p>Which is sad because writing used to be such an important piece of my identity.</p><p>Now it feels like something I <i>used </i>to do.</p><p>And it is. Writing used to come to me like a flood of words dying to escape my head.</p><p>Then I began to fill my mind with facts and concerns, with heavy memories and trauma, with stress, anxiety and shit I can't control.</p><p>What begged to escape me then, was curse words and anger, hatred and blame.</p><p>Writing was no longer an outlet but just more work. It became work to express my emotions, my ever so complicated, self inflicted misery. </p><p>I made myself start a journal.</p><p>I've always struggled with the idea of a journal.</p><p>I'm a planner by nature so once I've spent my entire day figuring on how I'm going to do things it seems pointless to list it all out.</p><p>I realized I had so confined the idea of a so I decided that I would just write.</p><p>At first I had nothing to say so I just wrote what I did that day.</p><p>And then I start to spill over the top and the words were coming back to me.</p><p>A couple times I even escaped back into the place of mental nothingness where I used to write from so much.</p><p>Just an honest and peaceful, clean slate in my mind where I just allowed the words to leave me without effort.</p><p>It gave me a little bit of faith again, that maybe I still have that shard of myself inside dying to be unpeeled.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Xoxo, Gussie</p>Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-82879498489847632122021-05-20T17:29:00.003-07:002021-05-20T17:32:15.762-07:00Something to Say<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"> Well I guess I just don’t write anymore.</span></div><p></p><p>My hands are out of shape and getting cramped up.</p><p>I don’t bleed through my pen laying on a floor. </p><p>I’d tell you that spreading my time too thin is what has made it tough. </p><p>It wouldn’t be true. </p><p>“Busy” is my usual answer when asked “What’ve you been up to?”</p><p>But busy isn’t why I don’t speak to you. </p><p>I think I lost me, I can’t figure out where, but somewhere I lost who used to philosophy in inky blue.</p><p>Maybe deep down I think maturity equals silence.</p><p>I’ve felt that. </p><p>But then does silence equal shame? </p><p>‘Cause I’ve felt that. </p><p>I rarely relive memories in my head.</p><p>The knots tied in my stomach over simple memories leave me something to untie and reheal for another precious long time.</p><p>I don’t know who I really was, but I liked her. </p><p>I don’t think many approved of her, but she wasn’t all bad.</p><p>Perhaps that was the very essence of her, the lack of need for approval. </p><p>Who I am now, I know less than ever. </p><p>Floating fragments of each person I’ve been but they don’t all quite fit together. </p><p>A little bit of pretty doesn’t get along with so much rough. </p><p>You can’t be well spoken with as much as I cuss. </p><p>And I know that, but hell. </p><p>Or maybe it is well spoken, or rather well said.</p><p>I say it how I see it, and most of the time what I say is equally as harsh as the emotion it’s rasping down through me. </p><p>Maybe now I speak so harshly because I never spoke for so long. </p><p>This rant I feel should end somewhere here soon, before it quits making sense to you...</p><p>But maybe we’re past that now, oops.</p><p>I’m going to try to get me back.</p><p>The loud and outspoken, the brave and unashamed, the breathlessness of happiness, I’m going to find it again </p><p>I hope you do too.</p><p>XoXo, Gussie </p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-hYHtb9uDQBskqPX60f9l6SvMlfUBSYwlFeGBZWFksOLLPqZtKr1BQWbmmMO9koJHLrfktE-wDCY8M5tnpWAWWLvjSEfErns_bdgYZDvHR9fCvf2U1y4G1tpGW-TIhXmfYKYClSzYRSOs/s2048/8D2A19A3-4FB8-4CCF-842A-A47DE65C61DC.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1367" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-hYHtb9uDQBskqPX60f9l6SvMlfUBSYwlFeGBZWFksOLLPqZtKr1BQWbmmMO9koJHLrfktE-wDCY8M5tnpWAWWLvjSEfErns_bdgYZDvHR9fCvf2U1y4G1tpGW-TIhXmfYKYClSzYRSOs/w268-h400/8D2A19A3-4FB8-4CCF-842A-A47DE65C61DC.jpeg" width="268" /></a></p><p><br /></p><p> </p>Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-78723423258386815222020-12-02T17:48:00.005-08:002020-12-02T18:11:56.209-08:00A Cowboy<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Tho the sage has all dried up,</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; text-align: left;"> </span></div><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">And there’s nothing left of the bitter brush.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">The horses have winter’s hair on their hides,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">And the only thing that hasn’t weakened is his mind.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">Gone are his years spent out on the range,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">Wearing dirt for his clothing and a smile thru his pains.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">Broken bones fused wrong are the culprit of his walk.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">Oh the stories you’ll hear son, if you can coax him to talk.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">His best horse left him for heavenly plains,</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">And he has dreams at night of visions seen thru his mane.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">His heart beats slower but the light in his eye shines bright.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">I sure doubt if he’ll give up the fight.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">He wears his scars with the same pride that they were claimed.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">And his greatest honor is a ‘cowboy’ he is named. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1">• Gussie</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0UeIfgOJYCaLJ6f_71ILSx6H2agHoXgUqdG5PqtZz4KUHBbqbRoQEkX8fluZmEUco4lcy18JMfEZ10XxRnHAFbPV-TeALSz0vrtfIOS34u8NOHrwEg0hyphenhyphenE4C0QGpt9J-5w54b8MJrOJ9T/s1792/F385F3CB-45B0-466C-A570-117835F6BDB7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="903" data-original-width="1792" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0UeIfgOJYCaLJ6f_71ILSx6H2agHoXgUqdG5PqtZz4KUHBbqbRoQEkX8fluZmEUco4lcy18JMfEZ10XxRnHAFbPV-TeALSz0vrtfIOS34u8NOHrwEg0hyphenhyphenE4C0QGpt9J-5w54b8MJrOJ9T/w400-h201/F385F3CB-45B0-466C-A570-117835F6BDB7.jpeg" width="400" /></a></span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-21178732505251454862020-03-20T18:56:00.000-07:002020-03-20T18:57:46.997-07:00Off CourseI'm looking for words. Reaching for them, leaving claws marks but my fingers never seem to get a hold on them.<br />
I can't speak my mind clearly to your face, my eyes will burn when I look into yours.<br />
I learned to use a pen and paper to walk away from my fears.<br />
Ink leaves more satisfaction that my spit in the air and I don't know why.<br />
I guess I was born like that, hiding from confrontation.<br />
<br />
There's paint in my chopped short hair and that whole scenario kind of makes me sick to my stomach. For so long I wanted hair braided to my belt.<br />
Maybe that goes to show that wanting something too much never works out anyway.<br />
<br />
The word "than" just looked weird to me. Now we're getting off course.<br />
But not really, I've never seemed to have one.<br />
<br />
I want another tattoo.<br />
They're so scoffed at and misunderstood.<br />
But if words are what means the most to you then they would surely have meaning on skin.<br />
<br />
There's a knot in my stomach that kind of stays hemmed up there.<br />
Uncertain and leery, like maybe I've never really known what I wanted .<br />
It changes everyday.<br />
I had a thousand dreams of who I could become and I look in the mirror and don't see a single one.<br />
That burns hot on my face.<br />
<br />
I've come to wonder if people don't like my worst writing best because it's so bloody honest.<br />
Because it's painful and pure and maybe they've stared in the mirror and thought the same gut wrenching things but just couldn't put words to it.<br />
Or maybe they did but they were wiser than I to put it on a blog page for the world to see.<br />
For the world to giggle at my childish insecurity. <br />
<br />
I'm not really that broken.<br />
I'm not unhappy.<br />
I love the beautiful place I live in.<br />
And I love the trees it hides me in.<br />
This post really means nothing at all.<br />
It's simply one wave of my emotions.<br />
<br />
XoXo, Gussie<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdRCJ5S7Qwjv-BQnPTGYO1D7WjPQ8r1sGQI6KMRBV0k_CncXpbzuEZWBRcDItYzQufGl7bMHGrPN4TMU7VRXTjtuXtx4U6gyhYDpgkdvLz1KGkKHX7o6GgG3u_-LdU3G-Td6PT6vxEvEu/s1600/BA152866-9F93-4506-AB18-64E01E399775.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdRCJ5S7Qwjv-BQnPTGYO1D7WjPQ8r1sGQI6KMRBV0k_CncXpbzuEZWBRcDItYzQufGl7bMHGrPN4TMU7VRXTjtuXtx4U6gyhYDpgkdvLz1KGkKHX7o6GgG3u_-LdU3G-Td6PT6vxEvEu/s400/BA152866-9F93-4506-AB18-64E01E399775.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-67627235543097728052019-11-22T17:35:00.000-08:002019-11-22T17:38:50.799-08:00Perspective<div class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 22px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 3px;">
<span style="font-size: 17px;">I’m finding my perspective, where I really belong.</span><span style="font-size: 17px;"> </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">Learning that my voice bears reason and has a weight if it’s own. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">My heart is still on a walk-about, looking for it’s purpose. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">Deep down I think I already know, but there’s still a wondering. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">A shot of whisky to warm my insides trailed by<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>a solo cup of wine. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">Funny how certain things become their own quiet little tradition only just for you. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">Like this same cheap shit I drink on long cowboy days. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">How a certain song sings to you the same memory every time. </span><br />
<span class="s2">And how the wind can blow eerie and unsettling sharing your same emotions.</span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">Someday it’ll all come together like one big puzzle. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">Pieced up with graceful, smooth pieces and jagged, painful ones too. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">I’ve been clawing at the darkness tainting the backs of my eyelids, hoping to fill the emptiness with light. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">Holding onto and unable to let go of the pit in my stomach that changes by the minute from pain to hate to self pity. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">Part of process I guess.</span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">You’d think healing would be pretty, a fully positive state, where everything gets “better”.</span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">But it’s not; it’s mostly ugly, a heart fighting a sincere battle with darkness, striving to win. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">I’m not sure I’ve quite put my thumb on what I actually want to feel, but I will. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">I’ll find it out of somewhere, or nowhere. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">In the trees, a blue sky, my horse’s eye. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2">I’ll search in God’s creation for the rest of what He created for me. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span class="s2"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s2">XoXo, Gussie</span></div>
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*CSI Saddle Pads</div>
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*Mike Keetch Saddle</div>
Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-68370068604987725462019-11-06T15:21:00.000-08:002019-11-06T15:21:50.141-08:00Mess of WordsI wish I actually wrote as much as I read... on facebook.<br />
I wish I could harness what I was truly thinking into words, but I can't.<br />
They taste a little less harsh, a little more sincere and a lot less painful in ink.<br />
I wish I still felt in touch with something that lives in the air,<br />
the words that I used to pluck out of nowhere.<br />
But I'm not, or won't.<br />
I wish I still sat quiet sometimes to listen to the sound of outside.<br />
Nursing a whisky drink with too much to think.<br />
I wish I'd quit wishing.<br />
So I guess I'll get off my ass,<br />
Tell you this story from the top of a tin roof,<br />
watching the morning frost burn off.<br />
I suppose I'll begin with the half-assed excuse for why I haven't wrote.<br />
I've been busy.<br />
<br />
The truth of that is I have in fact been busy.<br />
A pile of things have been whirling through my head.<br />
They've all been trumped by one main goal and passion.<br />
The season came and went, I learned a lot.<br />
In a way I was excited for it to be over, to breathe.<br />
And then likely, to start anticipating what challenges the next horse would bring in a year.<br />
I'm excited.<br />
<br />
So I haven't wrote.<br />
But there's been something gnawing at the back of my mind.<br />
Why on earth is it so much <i>easier </i>to watch TV than read a book, or cook a meal, or paint a room.<br />
Imagine how productive we could be if we spent as much time creating as we do mind-numbingly staring at the screen in our hand.<br />
This is long and awkward and feels like I've really lost my touch with words.<br />
I feel like when you go hungry for so long and then the meal doesn't even have a chance to taste for being frantically eaten.<br />
That's what these words feel like, which is ok I guess.<br />
<br />
This is where I wrap it up I suppose with something witty.<br />
I don't have much.<br />
<br />
Build something with your hands.<br />
Make something you can do something with, make something tangible and satisfying.<br />
Love the life that's right in front of you.<br />
<br />
Excuse this mess of words, I'm mostly just letting off some steam.<br />
<br />
XoXo, Gussie<br />
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Photo Credit; Rocking Horse Photography</div>
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-70749067782390585942019-07-09T07:30:00.002-07:002019-07-09T15:59:57.197-07:00ShellI ought to quit guessing, I guess.<br />
Find a truer side of me,<br />
one that doesn't change a favorite color every minute from pink to green.<br />
It's hard though, for me,<br />
to decide between being a cowboy or just a girl in skinny jeans.<br />
I used to be so strong in things to say,<br />
but I've had a bitten tongue as of late.<br />
I suppose my thoughts have no taste.<br />
I have too many things calling my name,<br />
every other distraction coming my way.<br />
It would be smart to cull the bad ones,<br />
but they've become a vice I just can't seem to let fade.<br />
Drank too much and still didn't say enough.<br />
I used to think that maybe somewhere deep inside I was tough.<br />
Maybe I am but the hole's too dark for me to find a bottom.<br />
Guess we'll never know.<br />
There I go guessing again.<br />
I suppose you must not mind if you're still reading here towards the end.<br />
Bless your heart.<br />
I don't have much left now,<br />
truth is I've been hunting inside myself for the words.<br />
Something that didn't used to be so hard to find.<br />
I think I'm afraid..<br />
No, I know I'm afraid.<br />
And worse yet, I'm not fighting it.<br />
I'd rather lay down and take it.<br />
That scares me too, that's not the grit I used to have.<br />
But where did it go?<br />
I'm sure I could find somebody to blame.<br />
Call them something that all but used the word 'hate' in their name.<br />
Not much good it's done,<br />
besides make me cuss and cry and broke my fun.<br />
I'm mad I can't shake it.<br />
Ashamed at how little my wrecking ball was.<br />
I guess I didn't quite fall.<br />
Not with someone holding me up, drowning in my heaviness,<br />
taking the kick of my gun.<br />
I'll find it again,<br />
the fearless streak inside me.<br />
And I'll have grown a harder shell to defend myself in.<br />
This isn't just my story, it's a shred of yours too.<br />
So tack your name on it as a promise to yourself,<br />
to kill whatever is ailing you and get back to your truer self.<br />
<br />
Xoxo, Gussie<br />
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<br />Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-16684014799916822112019-01-31T16:32:00.000-08:002019-01-31T16:32:47.750-08:00Entry One<div>
<i>Entry One</i></div>
It's 43 degrees outside right now, which is strangely pleasant, beautiful really.<div>
I'm missing summertime, early mornings, deep blue skies.</div>
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And tank tops.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I've been drowned in horses and everything that comes with them for the last few years.</div>
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The new year has given me a chance to gulp some air and try to regain vision.</div>
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I had no idea it would be this refreshing.</div>
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<br /></div>
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For so long all I could write about was horses, and when that's all my life involved I didn't have anything to say.</div>
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I guess I've just been thinking and forgot to leave any scribbles.</div>
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Actually, to be truthful, I had nothing good to say.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I forgot that I love them.</div>
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I fall asleep at night thinking about horses, dwelling on them, daydreaming about them.</div>
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A simple bad day just about breaks my heart sometimes.</div>
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I guess they scare me because I feel they might be the sole reason of my existence, or at least vital part of it.</div>
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That probably sounds silly but somewhere inside me I believe that.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I told myself a handful of times that I couldn't do it anymore, it was more than I could handle and some things really were.</div>
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So I eased off for a minute.</div>
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I came to realize that I didn't hate the horses or the hours or being tired or sore.</div>
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What was making me miserable were the voices.</div>
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The negative ones both in my head and out, I'm going to be more careful who I keep around. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I thought about 19 year old me yesterday, she didn't know where to even start with a colt.</div>
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She hadn't yet peeked her head through a window to see the world she was about to jump into with both feet.</div>
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Which goes to show she was braver than she thought she was.</div>
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I don't know if I would have guts for that now.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm in awe of how much of a mind game training horses is...and how crucial your health can be.</div>
<div>
The world belongs to the strong they say. That means mentally too.</div>
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My goals are inked out on brown paper next to a prayer journal and a cup of coffee.</div>
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Three very important things to me. </div>
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<br /></div>
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If in three years I can change, for better and for worse, grow and dream bigger now than I ever thought I was capable, I suppose the next three years ought to be one hell of an adventure too. </div>
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<br /></div>
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None of this really points in any direction, it just seems that I've sort of used this page as a journal in the past, so here goes <i>Entry One</i> of 2019. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Dream really big. Like bigger than you think you ought to.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Smile hard, the kind the aches in your cheeks.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Drink a good whisky drink, a hot cup of coffee and whatever else healthy B12 shit you got to, and get shit done. </div>
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<br /></div>
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XOXO, </div>
<div>
your forever discombobulated, Gussie</div>
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-69395319188280719552018-11-30T17:10:00.000-08:002018-11-30T20:25:41.443-08:00Your VoiceI find myself in and out of little bouts of pain. Empathy rather.<br />
Where I hurt so bad for someone knowing there's really nothing I can do.<br />
You can't help someone that won't help themselves, right?<br />
<br />
And I am kind of hurt by the fact that we are not stronger and more willing to defend ourselves.<br />
How easy it has become to hide behind a phone screen.<br />
Let an entire world living behind glass in a sparkly case manhandle our lives.<br />
I'm not even accusing, I'm guilty.<br />
<br />
Something I feel is far overlooked is how much <i>our people </i>love us.<br />
How much hurt we cause when we let people hurt us.<br />
Every time we let, for lack of a better term, an asshole run or manipulate our life we agonize everyone that wants the best for us.<br />
<br />
In my awkward round about way I guess what I'm getting at is that strength has been frowned upon and overlooked.<br />
Standing up for yourself somehow became <i>"bitchy"</i>.<br />
Having standards deemed you a prude.<br />
Being generous and big-hearted made you a push over.<br />
<br />
And all of these qualities that you cultivated to create a beautiful version of yourself have been turned on you.<br />
Doing your best got you used.<br />
Then half-assing something that would never be appreciated made you <i>"lazy"</i>.<br />
And being young must mean you know nothing.<br />
"You're not old enough to know what love or pain is."<br />
<br />
But I want you to find your voice.<br />
In this unfair bullshit little world I want you to scream.<br />
Tell them how you feel, get what you want.<br />
<br />
Put your middle finger as high as you need.<br />
In the most cliche` way, be who you are.<br />
Wear your hair ratted and wild with colorful words on your lips.<br />
Take their shit with a thick skin.<br />
You have one awesome life to live, there's no sense letting it get walked on.<br />
<br />
Xoxo, Gussie<br />
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<br />Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-16927507876821015812018-10-28T05:02:00.000-07:002018-10-28T06:56:40.516-07:00Love and Fire <div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Two Feet told me love is a bitch and I suppose they knew their shit. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But isn’t that what life lives on? Love...</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">After all that’s why you shuffle your frazzled, coffee buzzed self out the door every morning, right?</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">To conquer whatever it is that sets your soul on fire. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Out of love. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Lord I pray you do it all for something you love. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">If it were smudged on canvas it might look like you got ahold of some finger paints and tripped..twice. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">That’s ok, me too. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But it’s beautiful when it all comes together, love and fire. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Fight your battles with grit teeth, just don’t let a battle become your war. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">When your heart catches a warm breeze, rest easy and breathe that moment in deep. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Let love spark your fire instead of pain. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And when flames are soldering your knuckles and splitting your lips, grin as the blood drips. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">This world belongs to the strong they say.</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Irony giggles at these words coming from mine of all lips. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Get tough, tears when you must. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">White knuckles of a curled fist, keep your guard up. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Find your heart and give it away. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">At your most frightened moment, jump. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Breathe and bleed. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">That’s all life really is isn’t it? Love.. and what makes you do it. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">XoXo, Gussie</span></span></div>
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-72039992820951190312018-09-29T08:11:00.000-07:002018-09-29T08:11:11.610-07:00Blue Ink<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Cold toes curled up in wet socks and the smell of horse sweat and leather. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yellow moon shining down on something that was supposed to ring true. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Like the sound of rain drops on my tin roof. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">My braid damp from the mornings frost still smelled like branding fire smoke. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Your number was written on my wrist in blue ink. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Funny how when time passed that ink turned like bruises and faded from my arm. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I had my fingernails colored with chipped red paint and a look of 3 nights bedroll sleep. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">No it really wasn't romantic. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We were spur rowels and rap music. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Our porch was drunken laughter and the prettiest sunsets in the world. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We were young hearts telling old stories with toothy, white grins. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I sat on old wooden corrals and watched good horses work in bad dirt. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The best old soul advice I could muster was delivered with a beer in one hand and a bible in the other. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We were drifting, our minds and moods. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">With hands sunburned and hearts sort of lost. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It seemed like bad luck and poor decisions were awfully familiar. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We fell in love with waving grass and mountain air. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Our fingers were glassed over with calluses and ripped up, gnarly spots, we were so bloody miserable some days. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We drank too much, cussed too much and laughed it all off. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I think maybe that’s where I found the most of me. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Xoxo, Gussie</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-4998409956014591812018-08-17T11:23:00.001-07:002018-08-17T11:31:34.241-07:00Like Whisky on an Empty Stomach<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I rolled the blister on my thumb, watched the blood swell in the full moon glow through aluminum trailer slats. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I said ‘You don’t scare me. You loving me scares me.’</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">He told me I was stubborn. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I told him that was the only way I knew to be strong. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I never used to talk about the weather, sweet peas or wild clover. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Someone once wrote that it all comes and goes in waves. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe like every other cliche, this too shall pass. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">My hands were supposed to be soft, dainty and feminine but they wear calluses and bruises, scars over tanned skin. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was supposed to stay fearless. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Like I was when I was little, fingers in black mane and a smiling face. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I used to hike to Escalante’s cross to pray, I don’t even know where to hike to these days.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I need something.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">To find something. Someone. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">A safe place. Somewhere. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe I’ll get a tattoo and dye my hair blue. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Maybe I already did. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But what would you have to say?</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And would it even matter anyway?</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I always wanted to fight. Or learn to cuz it never was in me. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">gained no war but feel like I’ve lost a part of myself. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">A peaceful quietness given up in exchange for strength. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The barbed wire I strung around me grew like weeds. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Only the ones that liked blood could stay it seems. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">They were double tough and callused, I suppose the reason they caught my eye. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">And then I just became some broken person in a bar with tears on the brim of my eyelids. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Because I’ve always been trying to be everything and I have become nothing. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Yet somehow I created this, this chaos. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Someone’s yelling and it’s so loud I hear silence, see lips moving. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Peeled myself off the floor this morning. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tear drops and flakes of mascara on a sunburned wrist. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Asked myself who the hell I was as I stared at exhausted eyes in a wavy mirror. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Ratted mess of hair somehow reminded me of all these paths in my life. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">They’re all leading me different ways. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">But I have to pick one. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I have to decide what I am, who, where.. why.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Why I am.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Hitting me like whisky on my empty stomach.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Why am I? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">XoXo, Gussie</span></div>
<div>
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-37309440740793782512018-06-03T17:47:00.002-07:002018-06-03T17:58:22.767-07:00The Dream <div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I could write something about living the dream. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">About the romance, the passion, the goal. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I could write that the world is out there waiting for you, could tell you all you have to do is grab it. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I guess those are fair points. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">There’s truth living in their syllables. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">But I think bloody knuckles and tired eyes make up more of the dream than anything. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Anxiety, losing sleep. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Split lips, sunburned wrists, long ass days and rope burns. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">The dream isn’t all the dreamy. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">It’s more like wearing glass shards for diamonds and blood for lipstick. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Calloused up fingers, handshake like a man. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Dues to be paid, money made. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">It’s not just a quote about following your heart. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">There’s a lot more blood in it than that. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Inner war. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Asking yourself every question that ever creeped through your conscience. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Your eyes straining for sleep with your mind still screaming. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">‘Is this what you really want?’ </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">‘Can you do it?’ </span><br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 22.66666603088379px;">And yet I have no earthly idea of what’s ahead of me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 22.66666603088379px;">These are just my young, naìve ramblings. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 22.66666603088379px;">About things I haven’t earned the right to preach. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<div style="font-family: ".sf ui text"; font-size: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">But if I could tell you something and you’d believe it, I’d tell you to feel.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: ".sf ui text"; font-size: 17px;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Don’t neglect to rest. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I’d tell you to love, breathe, run. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">See the world. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Get what you want. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">That’s life. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">No agendas or plans. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Teach yourself to live without criteria. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">You’ll become the person you were destined to be. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Scars like wounds earned in battle, worn with a sort of pride. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">They stayed with you to tell their story. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Don’t you owe that to yourself? </span></div>
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">To hang with it long enough to tell your story?</span><br />
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Xoxo, Gussie </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span></div>
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-10102664390001057112018-05-15T20:34:00.000-07:002018-05-15T20:36:53.562-07:00Somewhere Inbetween<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">You ever been so mind f*cked you begin to wonder wether you were meant for something or if it just happened to you? </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Did you fight for this?</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Or were you just fighting for bloody knuckles and nothing more?</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Trying to get out of my own head.. or in it, not sure which one. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">A look over cold coffee and he asked me “What if I can’t be a gypsy forever?” </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">There was something romantic in sleep deprivation and branding season. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">In the horse sweat, sleeping in a bedroll, dancing in green grass half lit from more than the moonlight. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Something about the gut wrenched anxiety you had hidden under the layers of smile and grit. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Wanting so bad to have a plan just an idea, anything. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">High on sunshine and sniffling your nose a thousandth time over cuz you just can’t kick the cold. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I suppose I’m stuck in the wrong state of mind. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Must’ve taken a wrong turn, fell off the wagon, got lost somewhere and ended up between realms. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’ve been changing for a while tho, today I looked back on who I was 2 years ago, wow. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m another person, you wouldn’t even recognize me. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank the Lord. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">So no, I’m not really that broken. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m just telling you the shit. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">You know, the kind that lingers and lurks. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The real stuff. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Cause nobody stays the same and you won’t either. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">You’re gonna change, grow up, move on. </span></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 17pt;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Life’s going to happen to you. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-size: 17pt;">Let it happen for you. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 22.66666603088379px;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">XoXo, Gussie </span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 22.66666603088379px;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh20P2WM9zUk0_3eESOijiMPsh3mC1g0Zg5ORVGiJ8lF4L00zC40yQiAeqjht_Fg-mYOe9MwD8cqj7WooOUS6JWRuO81AoIkpqxvMOa-BafbvRUKyuU4LKdPuy-BapIqrNB1J1pHsX4prhl/s1600/IMG_3492.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="558" data-original-width="750" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh20P2WM9zUk0_3eESOijiMPsh3mC1g0Zg5ORVGiJ8lF4L00zC40yQiAeqjht_Fg-mYOe9MwD8cqj7WooOUS6JWRuO81AoIkpqxvMOa-BafbvRUKyuU4LKdPuy-BapIqrNB1J1pHsX4prhl/s320/IMG_3492.PNG" width="320" /></a></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 22.66666603088379px;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-67485865621407388812018-03-26T17:50:00.001-07:002018-03-26T17:50:07.288-07:00Just in InkI wrote from somewhere I wasn’t even supposed to be.<br />
About something that never should have meant anything to me.<br />
Inky claw marks left on paper as a means to bleed out, for some relief.<br />
That was my only fight.<br />
I tried to scream, I did.<br />
But when I’m mad I cry.<br />
I wanted to stand up for myself, step out of my own skin.<br />
Believe me.<br />
Maybe if I tried harder.<br />
But how?<br />
Do I try harder to make it right?<br />
Or harder to fight?<br />
At this point I don’t know which is winning.<br />
Or just don’t try?<br />
Am I in too deep?<br />
Over think, no wait, over drink.<br />
Liquor for courage to give me looser lips.<br />
I told you this story, but does it make sense?<br />
I wrote it with cold fingers, and I suppose it really is no story.<br />
Words on paper.<br />
No more.<br />
But at least I finally wrote them.<br />
I’ll cling with white knuckles to that little victory.<br />
That’s been really hurting, how I feel I’ve somehow lost that part of me.<br />
I’m still mad and hurt, giddy and joyful, alive.<br />
I haven’t changed all that much.<br />
My hands forgot how to write is all.<br />
Perhaps at a time when my mind is to be growing, it’s grown all too small.<br />
No, it’s not what you think.<br />
For the thousandth time, stop telling me.<br />
Telling me that “It’s ok” and “Don’t worry.”<br />
I know it is.<br />
‘Cause even when it’s not ok I keep breathing.<br />
So don’t mistake me.<br />
Though I tend to scribble words in places all too confusing.<br />
I’m not broken, and neither are you.<br />
It’s ok to be hurting, I’ve found it won’t kill you.<br />
Even if you want it to.<br />
So you’re best just to feel it.<br />
Let it steep and let it stew.<br />
Make it something, painful and brutal, and beautiful, even if only just to you.<br />
<br />
XoXo Gussie<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7nc2EqHwyvb217QEAwcql1aX7dfqKkZUYVH19yGoO-6KMdIPT8KQswVNkM-GFBKpevmQllUMN6fNbo9zCBNBYnqy6BiPwbtjOOeaMCDTq5QbbaDWflBaTrtk4nfYSgvTex-8I77fSlKbq/s1600/IMG_2533.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="554" data-original-width="750" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7nc2EqHwyvb217QEAwcql1aX7dfqKkZUYVH19yGoO-6KMdIPT8KQswVNkM-GFBKpevmQllUMN6fNbo9zCBNBYnqy6BiPwbtjOOeaMCDTq5QbbaDWflBaTrtk4nfYSgvTex-8I77fSlKbq/s320/IMG_2533.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-70965385927501538922018-03-02T17:02:00.001-08:002018-03-02T17:02:42.826-08:00Broken Pens and a Legal PadI woke up with horse sweat still in my busted knuckles and 3 am hangover breathe.<br />
No sun yet.<br />
I found notes and a tune but lost my words.<br />
Maybe I wrote because I didn't have time for shit to be real.<br />
Perhaps all my cooped up emotions got bled out of a broken purple pen like bruises on a yellow legal pad.<br />
Left there.<br />
You probably noticed the sudden scarcity of ramblings.<br />
They got lost behind forbidden statements.<br />
Forgotten thoughts.<br />
I always promise to tell you <i>someday</i>.<br />
Foolish I suppose.<br />
I told myself I'd stand up; change.<br />
Do something.<br />
Maybe.<br />
Last night I listened to a horse ease in and puff breathes out onto my skin.<br />
I spend everyday with their mane in my fingers and a leg on either side, yet I never even listen to them breathe.<br />
I want to watch a sunset, wake up early, steal a kiss.<br />
Just live.<br />
No more empty promises on replay, a broken record skipping like an old name did off my lips.<br />
<br />
And maybe with a little luck I'll be a bit less of a strung out writer, make a little more sense.<br />
<br />
XoXo, Gussie<br />
<br />
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<br />Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-27903717151964589232017-12-31T20:25:00.002-08:002018-01-01T05:17:18.065-08:00Bittter <div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I didn’t write a novel, build a house or buy a car. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I didn’t sell my soul to see the ocean or kiss a stranger behind a bar. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I left my check book on the counter in some broken little town. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Fumbling with shivered fingers, finding. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Finding what I am now. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">If I’m being honest I haven’t brushed my hair in 3 days,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">and I guess I never really waited for your appraise.</span><span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"> </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Make me a broken doll with golden lace, leather sandals and a dirty face. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">My heart won’t sing some pretty song,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">It leak my secrets, bleeds my blood;</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">But the chorus just sings wrong. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Kiss me on the lips, whisky with a promise. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">The kind kept, the kind that won’t haunt us. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Please. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Please find me. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Find me somewhere with my hands in my pockets and my eyelids bare, soon now. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Tell me about how we once were something before you tore us down. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Burnt fingers, new skin. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Old lies, another sin. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Forbidden colors, broken home. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Sudden romance, </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Thru the phone. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Cut me off. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I beg you so. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Take me home, </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Oh please just go. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I said goodbye, </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Not quite right. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">You whispered quiet, goodnight. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Let me go, </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Wouldn’t kill you. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Guess it hurt, </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Wish it chilled you. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Cut me off,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">At the neck.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Told me you had nothing left. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Hurt me now,</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I want out.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Kiss goodbye. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Who are you now?</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">XoXo Gussie</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-68776157701432110922017-12-27T18:51:00.003-08:002017-12-27T18:57:09.361-08:00A-Z<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I had a pen and paper ready to tell you a story. But I think it‘s better left for later not so easily explained with a letter. A-Z will probably fail me. So on second thought I’ll ramble shortly about how easy one year leaves. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">The sunrises are prettiest up here in the winter time when the frost blows the sun’s first breathe back on her. My shoulders wear freckles now like a story Montana left on my skin and I’m sure there’ll be more. It was just February and now it’s December and I’ve left so many pieces drifting in between. I bet I never could tell you what all I’d like to though. Like how May was sweet relief to get outside and breathe then June kept me running till July knocked me off my feet. August pushed me and made me do things I didn’t think I could with my fingers in grey mane. October whispered goodbye like summer time gone, fast and cold. November was new memories and another saga from someone I used to know. December was a brand new cowboy and hello to a whole new life. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I’ll see you after the ball drops and we have a fresh slate. You’ll find me likely with music too loud and tasteless words slipping from the smile on my lips.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;"> Love you</span></div>
<br />
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">XoXo Gussie </span></div>
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-88876546041456220292017-05-15T04:50:00.001-07:002017-05-15T04:50:13.534-07:00Smokey <div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">He was round, black feet and a soggy back that didn't hold a saddle too well. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Nothing special ya know, made mostly of heart and grit. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Gray going white with a ratty mane and tail. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I was 2 short legs kicking for all I was worth and a sleepy, little girl dozing in the saddle. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">He was my big gray home, my first home before the yellow one came along. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">His silky neck is where I draped my little arms to cry and he was the first horse I hung a bridle on. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">He was baby me's pen riding horse and on frosty mornings he'd still get a lil froggy.</span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">He was a couple strands of tail hair that I rat-holed in my pocket and the first pony to give me a taste of dirt. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I remember sitting atop a full packed pack saddle and riding down the mountain with just a lead rope trailed up to my hand. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">He was my first definition of "broke". </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">He'd stand just a waiting for me to untangle myself and then trot in for another heel shot. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I remember a steep mountain side and my little feet slipping and getting caught between his legs. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Him just standing there stock still waiting for me to get up. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Every now and then he'd be plum full of piss and vinegar but never when I was counting on him. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">He weaved me through nasty back country, across shell rock and ice, brush and high waters. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">He was the horse mommy trusted to send her baby girl out on. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">No, he couldn't spin a hole in the ground or run hard and fast, and he wasn't drop dead gorgeous, just a grade, gray horse. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">But he's why I'm where I am today and he's the first horse to carve himself into the creases of my heart. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I got to be a careless little wanderer and never loosing faith, he was my guardian angel sent by God's grace. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">He had dark, soft eyes and they were the mirror I stared into and began my soul search. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">Our goodbye was the first in my chain of broken hearts, crocodile tears dripping and falling hard. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">They told me that I'd never forget my first love, I do believe they're right. </span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: '.SF UI Text'; font-size: 17px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".sfuitext"; font-size: 17pt;">I just heard last night that he's crossed the great divide, </span></div>
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: '.sfuitext'; font-size: 17pt;">and I'll be happy to see his gray hide back in my string when I get to the other side. </span><br />
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: '.sfuitext'; font-size: 17pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: '.sfuitext'; font-size: 17pt;">XoXo, Gussie </span><br />
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-54330773553164239772017-04-02T18:06:00.001-07:002017-04-02T18:06:17.954-07:00Wandering, I mean, Wondering Sunshine and freckles and a warped idea of love.<br />
So full of flaws that I've come to wear them like precious jewels around my neck.<br />
Come here, my darling, I'll give you a hug and some hope.<br />
There was a time when all I ever wanted to be was what I am right now.<br />
And now I just want to be more.<br />
Someday I'll have everything I want and I'll just miss a day like today.<br />
Warm and springy with a hint of a breeze.<br />
Burned hands and a cold shoulder.<br />
Sometimes don't you wonder what God sees.<br />
Like if He's got us all dangling from His angels fingers on puppet strings.<br />
He writes our lives like poems awfully well, with the way one meshes right in with the next.<br />
I guess He thinks witch knots in horse manes is pretty cause they sure twist and weave.<br />
He's got one heart broke and another the same, just waiting to throw them in the pot together.<br />
A plan here and one there and He dances through it all like these cares are light as a feather.<br />
He watches each tear fall and feels each one like a knife in His chest.<br />
But I guess you've probably pondered all that by now.<br />
Laid out beneath the stars just wondering how the world goes round.<br />
I have a tendency to fear the fall so deeply that I never even spread my wings.<br />
There's old memories that haunt the dark sides of my eyelids and I'll probably never shake them.<br />
I stared at my own hell.<br />
And at some point, you will too.<br />
But that's okay, builds character and strength so they say.<br />
Now I'm just rambling once again but you're tough, I'm sure of it.<br />
You can fail and you can fall.<br />
But you'll stand and you'll wipe your eyes, you'll do just fine.<br />
You've got two feet beneath you that have you propped up for some divine reason.<br />
I hope you can find it in your heart to see that.<br />
So I'll leave you with something short but oh so dear;<br />
<br />
"Wait for the Lord;<br />
be strong and take heart<br />
And wait for the Lord."<br />
Psalm 27:14<br />
<br />
<br />
XoXo, Gussie<br />
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-23209783854950875732017-01-11T11:09:00.001-08:002017-01-11T11:09:16.200-08:00Just One More Speech, Humor MeI haven't wrote to you in blood for a while. I can't say whether or not you've missed me. But I hope maybe you have just a little.<br />
So I'll cut straight to the point, save you the boring introduction to my speech. Ah yes, another speech about pain. Now I've said it before but I'll remind you again; I punch these little letters in and they string a sentence along for me. Maybe for you too in a roundabout way, but I write to remind my dear naive self, not to preach.<br />
Some cuts never heal. They just don't. Oh they scar up and grow over with proud flesh but they're still there. They're not so jagged or raw and when you bump them it doesn't sting so bad anymore.<br />
Some folks don't get cut so gnarly and they heal quicker. So this is really only for the wretched souls like me that feel everything twice and way too deep.<br />
Yeah sure I knew better a lot of times but it doesn't change what happened or who I was. And I guess if I could change it I never would.<br />
Lies don't ever become the truth and honesty is a rare and treasured thing. In the end you'll only have your story so choose wisely the characters that will get to hold a pen. Remember that some of the greatest stories were written in sloppy handwriting with water marks on the page.<br />
Life is just life. There's ups and there's downs. Your finest moments will be weaved into the same rug as your worst.<br />
You're going to have panic attacks and temper tantrums, sleepless nights and restless days. You're going to be hard up and let go. You'll be bogged down and rained out.<br />
But there's something beautiful in pain. You know, the earth shattering, mind numbing kind. Where you find that your breaking point is really no breaking point at all. It's simply a line that you drew in the dirt, one that meant 'I'll be tough until...now'. And you'll blow through it. Not just subtly step across either, no, you'll leave that line a couple hundred miles behind with a little hurricane in your wake.<br />
You'll still be sucking wind, even if it is out of a crumpled, brown paper sack. You'll keep seeing, even if it is foggy and bleary eyed. You'll forever be tougher than the blue on your skin and the crimson drops dripping from your palm. Tougher than the goodbye and tougher than the betrayal yet to come.<br />
I guess I'm just here saying that it ain't easy. And I understand if you're scared. Lord knows I'm scared. But you're gonna make it. You're gonna be okay. You're not a lost cause and you're gonna make it.<br />
<br />
XoXo, Gussie<br />
<br />
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Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2926709734960489994.post-15688019054237589972016-12-17T10:40:00.001-08:002016-12-17T10:42:45.567-08:002016It all began cold and wintery, about like it is right now.<br />
I wrote a letter, crumpled it in a tin can and struck a match to burn it down. <br />
I read some old books and lived a vague little surface life.<br />
Anxiously I paced through the crevices of my mind.<br />
My new adventure was dawning and with no time wasted I was packed and moved to a frigid little valley.<br />
Oh I went insane for awhile, took a mental walkabout.<br />
It was exciting really, good for the soul to be a little strung out.<br />
I stumbled sleeplessly through a month of my life, calving 7 to 7's-nights.<br />
It was touch and go for awhile, then I quit the coffee and went on the fight.<br />
One sunny day in May,<br />
I turned my yellow horse out to a snowy pasture blanketing the mountain side.<br />
In waving flowers, beneath a romantic blue sky I took shallow roots to reside.<br />
And there I got ahold of some harder lessons in life.<br />
I dragged my tired ass in and out of bed, worked, played, cried, prayed and bled.<br />
My scattered little mind was lost and found then lost again.<br />
I stumbled upon a couple loves to be lost and still I have no advice to lend.<br />
I taped up rope burns on what should've been feminine hands and buried them deep in denim pockets.<br />
I met a determined set of blue eyes and a fierce set of brown.<br />
We were so dead set on life; there'd be no one could take us down.<br />
Nursed my wounds, lost some weight and lost some sleep.<br />
Learned just how much that I could take, and went rolling in the deep.<br />
For the first time in my life I stood up for myself a time or two.<br />
I spent more than one night staring at the stars, listening to a coyote call and looking for some sort of clue.<br />
I found a bigger smile than I'd ever worn before.<br />
With sore muscles, big dreams and a broke horse beneath me, I could of swore that's what I'd been born for.<br />
Waged war against my own mind and dug a little deeper to see where my breaking point did actually lie.<br />
I lived in a pocket of heaven that God held close in his palm.<br />
He rocked me there as I struggled through the storm.<br />
I rolled my bedroll just as a gypsy would instruct.<br />
I then proceeded to pile my shit into a twenty year old truck.<br />
And now, with a cup of coffee in my hand, I'm telling you my story, my saga of the land.<br />
I ran, I fought, I tried.<br />
And somehow rattling in my bones, I know I'm still chugging on the uphill slope.<br />
<br />
Xoxo Gussie<br />
<br />
<br />
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<img src="webkit-fake-url://c22fa2c8-9067-482c-b40a-1007aa6f6c8d/imagejpeg" />Boots, Braids and Big Loopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548101497696539163noreply@blogger.com1