Friday, April 10, 2015

An explanation.

It seems that I am very good at expressing myself without actually saying what I'm talking about. If I've confused you, I'm sorry. Frankly, at times I confuse myself and that is precisely why these jumbled thoughts end up on paper.
I'm going to try to clear some things up.
I almost always write about a horse and a person. Sometimes it's about some horse I only threw a leg over once and other times it's about my little pally horse that I could never stand to part with.
As for the people, sometimes it's my sissy, my best friend or someone who hurt me. Other times it's someone I'm trying to forgive or cowboys, usually the ones that have pried their way into my heart. And sometimes it's not any of these, just someone from a dream.
Every now and then my ramblings are about ten stories compiled into one or sometimes just a vivid memory.
I hope I keep it balanced; with a taste of sweet, a taste of sour, some good and some bad.
Whatever it is that ends up crying out from this page, I hope it means something to you and/or that you can relate. I hope you grin when you read it. I hope you laugh and show your friends. Or maybe, I hope it pricks at your heart and makes you remember something painfully wonderful.
I by no means have any profound advice or ramblings, hell I'm only 18 and I've not seen near what I'm going to. I haven't rode hundreds of horses yet or met so many people. I'm kind of just plundering my way through things.
I don't know how much good this blurb did, but it was worth my muscle cramped hand I believe.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
XoXo Gussie

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Just what I needed.

My metaphorical walls have blood stains and dirt built up for nearly 2 years now. All ugly and unconditioned, in pretty bad shape. The worst part is the mindset I have taken on. I'm working on the change; the reform. And dammit I was aching for something. I knew I was but I couldn't pinpoint what on God's green earth it was that I was craving.
I found it though.
I found it in an old house and an old barn.
It was in the corrals that stood declaring their grit and strife to stay up right.
New horses breathed it into my nostrils and sent a fresh kind of shivers down my back.
My heart is freeing up finally and I can feel all of my gashes pulling together and healing.
I didn't expect what I needed to be hiding here.
I didn't know that I needed sissy to whisper into my room in the morning or that I needed to talk to my brother-in-law about calves.
I had no idea that's what I wanted.
My body was telling me something and I surely wasn't listening close enough.
Maybe I needed colder, drier air to hit my lungs.
Maybe I needed more dust, mornings in the cake truck or late nights.
I'm not sure what it was that I needed but I got it.
What snapped in my mind is a wonder but I guess it doesn't matter.
This is the best I've felt in far too long but God I am thankful. 
- Gussie