That's what this is anyway.
It's just a play on words, keep talking now.
Let me close my eyes and dream.
I'll picture it like a staged broadway scene.
There were chills on your skin and a light in your dark eyes.
I guess it's my story now.
I whispered because I was afraid if I talked too loud I'd choke my own words out.
You were so collected and calm.
My hands were steady, my voice not so much.
You only whispered 'cause I did.
We kept looking over our shoulders and up on the ridge.
There were coyotes howling a homely call.
I was scared.
Like the inside kind. You know, the real kind.
Not the 'I don't want to get hurt' or 'I got out by the skin of my teeth' scared.
I'm talking straight up terrifying.
Where your stomach is flipped and your heart is beating all fast and awkward but slow.
When your hands are cold and clammy, they shake then get still.
Your eyes dart from place to place while everything is a slow motion movie.
Red cheeks, cold feet.
Watery eyes.
Dry lips, cotton mouth, loss for words.
My heart is in this one, it's not so easy now, I can't walk away the same no matter what.
You know what kind of scared I'm talking about.
I said it quietly hoping you would but knowing you wouldn't hear.
A little louder this time, listen close.
It's okay, I'll walk the tight rope line.
I might get hurt but it's not the same every time.
Maybe it's different this time around.
I don't like the chances, too risky with the way my heart is pounding.
So tell me beautiful lies.
That's what I want to hear anyway.
Twist them up and form them all poetic like, release them from where they've been burning you.
Let me close my eyes and dream.
Randoms tonight.
Have you ever been caught between your head and your heart? Where you know better but your gut keeps clawing at you, begging you to say what you feel? Isn't it petrifying? I find myself there so often. I find myself writing out pros and cons and making charts because that's just how close the odds are. I whisper to the darkness. All that black is comforting sometimes. I wonder what the stars think of all my madness. I've poured myself out and given God an earful. In the truest sense, I've given it UP. UP - literally. I've pitched the mess and let God do the untangling, cause I know he'll do it right.
"When my heart is faint lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2
"I loved you at your darkest." Romans 5:8
BY HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED. ISAIAH 53:5
Those are beautiful truths.
Gussie
Hun, I have yet to be able to keep my mouth shut when something is gnawing at me. But the thing is, even when I think I've screwed up, my words and feelings lead me somewhere just a little bit better in the end.
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