Fading

I just want to cry but I'm afraid I've run out of tears so I'll just breathe heavy breathes pretending that gets something off my chest. Listen for it, you'll hear it if you're quiet. The wind moans soft mumblings. Calling me farther away. My mind is always distant now, I try so hard to make it stay. But it's fading, always fading. Running off to dreams and old memories. Come with me, you'll see what I mean. I want that day back, hot and windy as it was, I want that dust in my face. I want your hand on my back. We were so tired, still smiling. Or that emotion I would give worlds to feel that way again. But I'm here and I'm now and I can't be that anymore. My hands are cold, my face is hot, I'm tired. If things were different I would be there, right there. I would beg you to take me somewhere quiet. Somewhere that I could see forever from and hear the breeze whistling through the trees. We could talk about our fears, mine are changing so much. Yesterday I woke up tired and tied up in hot sheets, the morning was quiet but my mind wasn't. Tell me what to think. I guess it's up to me. Maybe I'll wait for a full moon and go sit on some mountainside, watch a sunset fall. Find peace and solace, find something good for my soul. My sissy used to go on drives alone and I never understood. She'd jump in her truck and drive. I've never liked being lonely. I don't handle it well but I think I finally get it now, why she'd just drive. The steering wheel keeps the hands busy and the road moans quiet like background noise to disoriented, cluttered thoughts. I told you my mind was fading, always fading away to other things. So I'm just gonna drink another cup of peppermint tea and maybe tomorrow I'll know what the hell to think.

Xoxo Gussie