Just what I needed.

My metaphorical walls have blood stains and dirt built up for nearly 2 years now. All ugly and unconditioned, in pretty bad shape. The worst part is the mindset I have taken on. I'm working on the change; the reform. And dammit I was aching for something. I knew I was but I couldn't pinpoint what on God's green earth it was that I was craving.
I found it though.
I found it in an old house and an old barn.
It was in the corrals that stood declaring their grit and strife to stay up right.
New horses breathed it into my nostrils and sent a fresh kind of shivers down my back.
My heart is freeing up finally and I can feel all of my gashes pulling together and healing.
I didn't expect what I needed to be hiding here.
I didn't know that I needed sissy to whisper into my room in the morning or that I needed to talk to my brother-in-law about calves.
I had no idea that's what I wanted.
My body was telling me something and I surely wasn't listening close enough.
Maybe I needed colder, drier air to hit my lungs.
Maybe I needed more dust, mornings in the cake truck or late nights.
I'm not sure what it was that I needed but I got it.
What snapped in my mind is a wonder but I guess it doesn't matter.
This is the best I've felt in far too long but God I am thankful. 

- Gussie