Thursday, February 5, 2015
I go through stages of obsessions. It used to be mane and breathe then it was wind and now blood. Only metaphor obsessions of course, because I actually hate the wind and well, no one likes blood. I've been in this weird slump the last couple of days. I was on the phone the other night and I said something about liking to think of myself as an optimistic, upbeat, happy person. I keep shielding myself like I'm scared of something but I don't know what. My usual talk-everything-out self has been more silent and I'm getting nervous because whenever I stop talking canker sores take over my mouth. Yesterday I laughed so I wouldn't cry and that is just not like me. I went to lunch with my friend and he quizzed me incessantly about bosals and bridle bits, different kinds of reins and horsehair. Then we discussed our confusions with relationships and people. Running errands yesterday I started to realize how different phone calls are than actually whispering in someone's ear. I keep seeing this smile that has always made me laugh when I wanted to cry. Yesterday I finally felt good when I was loping Biscuit bareback, free. I'm so confused. Hell, you're probably confused just reading this. It has no point, I'm just telling you where I'm at, maybe you're here too or been here anyway. And damn do I need to stop listening to T. Swift.