Again

 I'm painting my nails pink again.

I enjoy swinging a rope again.

Hell, I'm almost me again.

I had to die to get to my rebirth.

I would thank you for killing me,

but I don't hate myself anymore.

I like whisky and 7 again, 

there's a Coors Light in my hand most nights.

Just like old times huh?

Minus all the things that were eating me alive.

I read more books these days.

God and I hash shit out and He tells me who and where I am.

I wish I had asked Him some things a long time ago.

It wouldn't have changed much,

it all unfolded how it was supposed to.

He tells me there's something I'll never believe coming for me.

I can't wait to see it. 

I'm back to believing in the beauty of scars,

the cuts and burns, every bruise and its worth.   

My heart has shed enough blood for a lifetime.

Like a muscle, I had to be shredded to grow.

What I once thought ruined me, made me. 

I'll see you on the bloody side.

I'll be waiting with an open hand and healed up, scarred up heart.

XoXo, Gussie

Joshua 1:9

 I went for a walk with God this morning.

He met me in the sunrise and on the dew tipped start of green grass.

I asked Him why I always sense His presence behind me.

He told me He sends His angels out ahead of me.

That they fight with bloody fists, battles that I never see and clear my path before I set my foot upon it.

Then He explained that He walks behind me to guard my back.

He told me He was there blocking knives.

He said He doesn't walk ahead of me; because He promised to never leave me behind.

He promised He would be with me wherever I may go.

Be strong and courageous for the Lord, your God will be with you wherever you may go.

Joshua 1:9

Feet that aren't moving can't be guided.

Take the step, make the move, do the thing.

xoxo, Gussie