A World With No Black

 

What if we lived in a world where the sun shone all the time?

How sad we would be

if the rain never came to validate our sorrow,

the day never came where the clouds comforted our hurting souls,

and the moon never came to shine a sliver of light on our darkness.

Is there any joy in peace if we know no turmoil?

Could we love the light if it never went black?

By that logic, is there beauty in pain?

Could we ever truly love a single thing without knowing the feeling of hate, or numbness, or nothingness?

Would our standard of love become so low that we accept cordial interaction as enough?

I’ll take my pain, my sorrow, and my love.

I’ll take the earth-shattering, heart fully exposed, raw nerve endings, complete acceptance of broken life-ness.

I’ll embrace it because I know what it brings.

In return, she offers me my fullest cup,

pouring out from her brims love beyond belief, softness, and gentleness like I’ve never seen.

There’s a restlessness in my soul today.

The wind came to match her energy.

I suppose there’s some comfort there,

that the earth whispered to me, “I feel the same way.”

Xoxo, Gussie

December

 The way the mountains layer behind themselves does something for my soul.

That, and the absolute vastness of the blue sky.

I like the way dust settles quietly—

a soft comfort after commotion.

I long for your chest to rise and fall beneath my cheek.

My heart yearns to know you.

Green grass in December gives a gentle place for my heart to feel.

I’m looking for you.

Are you looking for me?

Xoxo, Gussie

This Year

I find myself cross legged outside a round pen again. 

Watching troubled horses, 

Being worked around by troubled men. 

Like a vortex of the universe always drawing me back to here.

 

What you need always pulls you in. 

I guess it’s some law of living;

That God will bring you to the places you find healing. 

Like Wyoming, the desert, horses and men. 

A certain amount of chaos lives inside my mind. 

I must be no different than these colts, 

Need to touch the spot to not be scared again. 

But it hurts and I avoid it,

Someday I’ll grow wiser there. 

Till then, Lord, hold me close and guide me thru the storm. 

Stand beside me and don’t flog me around too much.

Give me a mind that’s willing and feet that move. 

Teach me to think thru my fears and grant me the time to grow into what you made me for this year. 

Xoxo, Gussie 

In Love

 At the end of the day, I love horses and you, nicotine and caffeine.

It’s enough for me to die in love.

In love with a rough hand holding mine and a dog at my feet.

In love with a sunrise and early morning coffee.

My life framed between the ears of horses—what a blessing that is to me.

In love with quiet evenings talking with God.

In love with you, in love with me.

That’s enough.

And if God, you, horses, and dogs is all I have when I die, in my mind I died having it all.

Xoxo, Gussie

Joshua 1:9

 I went for a walk with God this morning.

He met me in the sunrise and on the dew tipped start of green grass.

I asked Him why I always sense His presence behind me.

He told me He sends His angels out ahead of me.

That they fight with bloody fists, battles that I never see and clear my path before I set my foot upon it.

Then He explained that He walks behind me to guard my back.

He told me He was there blocking knives.

He said He doesn't walk ahead of me; because He promised to never leave me behind.

He promised He would be with me wherever I may go.

Be strong and courageous for the Lord, your God will be with you wherever you may go.

Joshua 1:9

Feet that aren't moving can't be guided.

Take the step, make the move, do the thing.

xoxo, Gussie

Joy

I’ve always wrote about pain

And of all of the unjust things

I’ve never known how to write about joy 

Someday I want to tho

Someday I want to write for you about the most beautiful things

Like

A morning sunrise so crimson and so gold 

That it actually heals some piece of your soul

Every blood blister, every bruise, every broken heart, every false I love you

Was a price you paid up front 

For all the true love, true peace and true joy now before you

Happiness is overrated 

It’s temporary and materialistic

Here in this moment and gone in the next 

I want you to feel pure joy 

To sit in the presence of God 

With the sounds of brood mares grazing and stomping and the panting of tired dogs 

To feel the warmth of sun on your face on that first hint of spring day

To smell a batch of cookies fresh out of the oven and a gentle hand holding yours

The little gifts of bliss

Someday I’ll write you something beautiful 

Something you can feel deep in your bones

Xoxo, Gussie 

Where Nothing Left Lies

Surely time will dull it down I hope,

Because right now it's awfully raw.

The gaping wound is gushing,

A twist is in my gut.

All the world is shaking,

The trembling just won’t stop.

A future of dreams, 

A death of every could be,

All lie lifeless at the ring of just one shot.

Could it be that this is the plan,

Or consequence of a mistake?

Did my ears choose deafness,

Did I refuse my eyes to open?

Perhaps I selfishly chose this,

All to end up broken.

There is no words that bear the pain,

No poem to do it justice.

Comatose, habitual breaths,

Only teardrops and sorrow,

A dreary trudge,

And a hug gone by tomorrow. 

This ending is unworthy of everything we built,

It’s shameful and gruesome,

Our broken souls’ guilt.

Happiness is perspective,

It does not exist without pain.

True love can not be gained or lost,

Without some great sacrifice.

I’ll stand watch while it fades,

Perhaps time will wash it away.

Leaving scars and proud flesh, 

A brave bandage as proof of the price we paid.

A story of what once was,

The history of us.

Built and gone, 

Dust to dust.

xo, Gussie