A World With No Black

 

What if we lived in a world where the sun shone all the time?

How sad we would be

if the rain never came to validate our sorrow,

the day never came where the clouds comforted our hurting souls,

and the moon never came to shine a sliver of light on our darkness.

Is there any joy in peace if we know no turmoil?

Could we love the light if it never went black?

By that logic, is there beauty in pain?

Could we ever truly love a single thing without knowing the feeling of hate, or numbness, or nothingness?

Would our standard of love become so low that we accept cordial interaction as enough?

I’ll take my pain, my sorrow, and my love.

I’ll take the earth-shattering, heart fully exposed, raw nerve endings, complete acceptance of broken life-ness.

I’ll embrace it because I know what it brings.

In return, she offers me my fullest cup,

pouring out from her brims love beyond belief, softness, and gentleness like I’ve never seen.

There’s a restlessness in my soul today.

The wind came to match her energy.

I suppose there’s some comfort there,

that the earth whispered to me, “I feel the same way.”

Xoxo, Gussie

December

 The way the mountains layer behind themselves does something for my soul.

That, and the absolute vastness of the blue sky.

I like the way dust settles quietly—

a soft comfort after commotion.

I long for your chest to rise and fall beneath my cheek.

My heart yearns to know you.

Green grass in December gives a gentle place for my heart to feel.

I’m looking for you.

Are you looking for me?

Xoxo, Gussie

This Year

I find myself cross legged outside a round pen again. 

Watching troubled horses, 

Being worked around by troubled men. 

Like a vortex of the universe always drawing me back to here.

 

What you need always pulls you in. 

I guess it’s some law of living;

That God will bring you to the places you find healing. 

Like Wyoming, the desert, horses and men. 

A certain amount of chaos lives inside my mind. 

I must be no different than these colts, 

Need to touch the spot to not be scared again. 

But it hurts and I avoid it,

Someday I’ll grow wiser there. 

Till then, Lord, hold me close and guide me thru the storm. 

Stand beside me and don’t flog me around too much.

Give me a mind that’s willing and feet that move. 

Teach me to think thru my fears and grant me the time to grow into what you made me for this year. 

Xoxo, Gussie 

In Love

 At the end of the day, I love horses and you, nicotine and caffeine.

It’s enough for me to die in love.

In love with a rough hand holding mine and a dog at my feet.

In love with a sunrise and early morning coffee.

My life framed between the ears of horses—what a blessing that is to me.

In love with quiet evenings talking with God.

In love with you, in love with me.

That’s enough.

And if God, you, horses, and dogs is all I have when I die, in my mind I died having it all.

Xoxo, Gussie

Hard Roads

I’ll be damned if I don’t feel like me again. 

And I absolutely love it. 

I’ve had a couple bobbles but I’m me and then some now.

 

I’m glad to have me back, happy to see my own smile, she was gone for a while. 

I promise never to sacrifice myself for anyone else again. 

There’s a difference between service and self sabotage- I learned that one the hard way. 

If you’re in the trenches I promise you’re tough enough to get out. 

It’s no cake walk in there and your own mind is your deepest weakness but also your greatest strength. 

Learn to harness it. 

It’s an ongoing adventure. 

This world doesn’t belong to the weak. 

Consider it an honor to walk hard roads, we’re being conditioned for greatness. 

Xoxo, Gussie 

Again

 I'm painting my nails pink again.

I enjoy swinging a rope again.

Hell, I'm almost me again.

I had to die to get to my rebirth.

I would thank you for killing me,

but I don't hate myself anymore.

I like whisky and 7 again, 

there's a Coors Light in my hand most nights.

Just like old times huh?

Minus all the things that were eating me alive.

I read more books these days.

God and I hash shit out and He tells me who and where I am.

I wish I had asked Him some things a long time ago.

It wouldn't have changed much,

it all unfolded how it was supposed to.

He tells me there's something I'll never believe coming for me.

I can't wait to see it. 

I'm back to believing in the beauty of scars,

the cuts and burns, every bruise and its worth.   

My heart has shed enough blood for a lifetime.

Like a muscle, I had to be shredded to grow.

What I once thought ruined me, made me. 

I'll see you on the bloody side.

I'll be waiting with an open hand and healed up, scarred up heart.

XoXo, Gussie

Joshua 1:9

 I went for a walk with God this morning.

He met me in the sunrise and on the dew tipped start of green grass.

I asked Him why I always sense His presence behind me.

He told me He sends His angels out ahead of me.

That they fight with bloody fists, battles that I never see and clear my path before I set my foot upon it.

Then He explained that He walks behind me to guard my back.

He told me He was there blocking knives.

He said He doesn't walk ahead of me; because He promised to never leave me behind.

He promised He would be with me wherever I may go.

Be strong and courageous for the Lord, your God will be with you wherever you may go.

Joshua 1:9

Feet that aren't moving can't be guided.

Take the step, make the move, do the thing.

xoxo, Gussie